God…this is going to be brutal. Of all the different genres of movies, the comedy movie is easily my all-time favorite. So bear with me as I hack through my top ten favorite laughers of all time.

I guess I should write out what, to me, defines a great comedy movie and what each movie in the following list had to have in order to make it. After thinking about it I’ve narrowed it down to the three major ingredients each classic comedy movie has to have for me to love it:

Great Dialogue
Above all things, the movie HAS to have great dialogue. If I can’t quote this movie’s funniest lines verbatim, it’s not worthy of making my all-time list. If I haven’t sat down and forced myself to memorize certain portions, it’s not making the list. Period.

Frequency
The movie has to be one that I could easily pull off the shelf and watch over and over and over again, never growing tired of repeat viewings. If I haven’t seen the movie at least a dozen times, there’s no way in hell it’s ending up in my top ten.

Staying Power
The movie’s comedy must be able to stand up to the test of time, making people in several generations laugh. Some comedies, like the “Scary Movie” series, pull from current pop culture and parody events at the time of the film’s release. The movies on my list are universally funny, irregardless of the time period.

So there we have it…the major components of a Ken Top Ten Comedy.

Before I start, though, I have to give honorable mention to several flicks that didn’t make the top ten but were daaaaaaamn close. In alphabetical order:

A Fish Called Wanda, Amazon Women on the Moon, Back to School, Beetlejuice, Better Off Dead, Blues Brothers, Bustin’ Loose, Cannonball Run, Clerks, Crazy People, Dr. Strangelove, Duck Soup, Dumb and Dumber, Friday, Good Morning Vietnam, Groundhog Day, Johnny Dangerously, Kentucky Fried Movie, Major Payne, Meatballs, Modern Problems, Monty Python and The Holy Grail, Napoleon Dynamite, O Brother, Where Art Thou, Office Space, Old School, Parenthood, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, Revenge of the Nerds, Sixteen Candles, Stir Crazy, Summer School, Super Troopers, The Odd Couple, The Philadelphia Story, The Royal Tennenbaums, The Whoopee Boys, Top Secret!, Trading Places, Uncle Buck, UHF, Vacation, Wedding Crashers, Young Frankenstein

I’m sure I’ll think up more as time goes by, too. Dammit.

I even had to go as far as to list the five that I struggled with the most that didn’t make the top ten in the end and took me the longest to hack off the final list. Here they are:

Airplane! (1980)
Easily, this movie makes nearly everyone’s top ten list as one of the funniest movies of all time. And while I do love this movie and have introduced it to many people over the years, it’s not going to make my top ten as I have other movies that mean more to me. Leave it to the trio of Zucker, Abrams, and Zucker to take an old disaster movie from the 1950s called “Zero Hour!” and turn it into one of the most highly-praised and most oft-quoted comedy movies of all time. Name me a guy that doesn’t hear “and don’t call me Shirley” in his mind when someone says “surely” in his presence. So many movies followed in the same vein as “Airplane!”, so I have to give credit where credit is due.

The Big Lebowski (1998)
What can you say about a movie that uses the word “fuck” 281 times that hasn’t already been said? Hell, even one of my best friends has assumed the nickname “The Dude” because of this movie. John Goodman’s performance in this film is legendary and showcased just how truly, truly funny that man can be when he gets into a role. Besides, the movie has bowling as a central theme AND features a naked Julianne Moore. Come on, it’s almost as if this movie was made just for me.

Fletch (1985)
This mid-80s classic gave Chevy Chase his best role since “Caddyshack” and defined the word “cool” when it came to witty lines. Chase’s “nothing can phase me” demeanor and comedic style in “Fletch” floored me the first time I saw it. There are so many classic quotes from this movie that at one point in my late teens I attempted to write them all down. In the end, I had 98% of every line Chevy had uttered. “No, not since breakfast.”

Hot Shots! (1991)
Another true classic in the vein of the Zuckers/Abrams/Zucker-style of movies is “Hot Shots!”, which I actually like better than “Airplane!”. Lloyd Bridges steals the show as Admiral Benson, whose lines still to this day bring tears to my eyes. “Roy? Roy!” And then there’s the line that I quote at least once a week whenever someone asks me how I’m doing. Miss ya, Lloyd. Your completely out of it persona in this one was played to perfection. This movie taught me that crabs work in pairs, and don’t you forget it.

This is Spinal Tap! (1984)
This movie was pure genius. I’ve always loved introducing people to this movie without telling them that it’s a parody for this is the way in which I first saw “This is Spinal Tap!” Most people don’t “get” this movie the first time they see it, and I was no exception. Subsequent viewings, however, make it better each time through as you’re in on the joke by this time. The wit is biting, the dialogue legendary (”these go to eleven”), and the performances brilliant. To top it off? Several of the songs are pretty damn catchy, too. What’s not to love? “Tap” also gave birth to the mockumentary and has been going strong ever since. Thank you, Marty!

And now, my personal favorite top ten funniest comedy movies of all time:

10. Raising Arizona (1987)
Talk about a smart comedy tucked inside a white trash set. “Raising Arizona” is one of those movies that, upon each subsequent viewing, you find something new in which to find humor. To top it off, the classic lines never cease to come at you. Very few films have been what I’d call perfectly cast, but this is one of them. Three of the main characters went on to win Academy Awards in their subsequent work: Nicholas Cage, Holly Hunter, and Frances McDormand. I’d have to say that when it comes to watching this movie I’m guilty of recidivism. Okay, then.

9. Animal House (1978)
“Thank you, God!” If not for National Lampoon’s Animal House, we’d not have current classics like “Old School” and “Wedding Crashers”. Harold Ramis is a comedic genius and, looking through my list of favorite comedy movies, he’s involved in more of them as either the writer, director, or an actor than any other person. When Ramis and crew set out to write a screenplay to reflect their college years, who knew that they’d be writing the first of many legendary comedies. This movie introduced us to John Belushi, whose career ended far too soon. A year doesn’t go by that this movie isn’t shown as required viewing in thousands of fraternity houses across the nation. Now that’s staying power. “Do you mind if we dance wif yo dates?” Try using that one the next time you’re out in the club.

8. A Night at the Opera (1935)
Groucho Marx’s slew of biting dialogue was NEVER funnier than it was in “A Night at the Opera”, the oldest movie in my all-time favorite comedies. Harpo, Chico, and Groucho take on the opera community in this one and boy does it has it all — incredible musical numbers by Chico and Harpo, outrageous physical comedy from all the brothers, and the legendary “stateroom scene” which features fifteen people crowded into a tiny room and some of Groucho’s best lines of the flick. My favorite aspect of the movie was how Groucho managed to get a line past the censors at the time which didn’t allow any type of risque dialogue to make it into films: when asked if he “has everything,” Groucho quips “I’ve never had any complaints yet.” W-o-w. That’s my boy.

7. Stripes (1981)
Two words: Bill Murray. What was originally supposed to be a Cheech & Chong movie, “Stripes” ended up being a true gem for rising star Bill Murray. Easily one of my folks’ favorite comedy movies of all time, I was introduced to this movie by them on HBO…but starting at the graduation scene due to the nudity in the first half. I kid you not. It wasn’t until I was older that I got to see the movie in its entirety but by then I had from graduation onward memorized. “Boom chugga lugga lugga lugga, boom chugga lugga lugga lugga, boom chugga lugga lugga lugga, boom.” You know what I’m talking about. This movie is still as funny today as it was a quarter of a century ago. Plus, it gave me one of my favorite instrumental bits from a movie soundtrack ever — “and then, depression set in.”

6. Caddyshack (1980)
I dare you to step foot out on a golf course and NOT hear someone quote this film. Amazingly, these lines are almost always met with a round of grins and chuckles from those near the quoter. Hell, even Tiger Woods spoofed the movie in a commercial for American Express. “Caddyshack” is the quintessential guy flick. Just look at the cast — Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, AND Rodney Dangerfield. And for you old timers, we even had Ted Knight in there. Plenty of the greatest scenes in the movie were completely improvised, which only makes the movie that much cooler. Murray’s slightly psychotic greenskeeper, Carl Spackler, is one of my favorite big screen characters of all time. A Ken guarantee? If you say “so I’ve got that goin’ for me” around me I will, without hesitation, complete your sentence with “…which is nice.” I promise you that.

5. Coming to America (1988)
I spent a good portion of my teenage years listening to the comedy records (yes, records) of Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy. It was during these repeated sessions that I began to hone my ability to not only memorize dialogue but mimic it as closely in the original voice and timing as possible. It wasn’t until “Coming to America” that I began to make repeat trips to the movie theatre so that I could memorize the dialogue before it was released on video, particularly the nuances of the classis barbershop exchanges. And, almost twenty years later, I can still do them to perfection. I…love…those…scenes. “His mama named him Clay, I’m gonna call him Clay.” “Mmm-hmm, dat’s right!” “I say Clay.” The expression “dat’s right!” makes it into my conversations on a daily basis. Murphy and Arensio Hall were at the top of their game with “Coming to America”. Love that movie.

4. The Jerk (1979)
Talk about having one of the greatest opening lines from a movie (although, honestly, that isn’t the movie’s true opening line) ever. This movie successfully transitioned Steve Martin from the stand up circuit and television to the big screen with major success. Only Martin could pull off the role of Navin R. Johnson, a complete idiot from Mississippi that was abandoned as a baby and raised by an all black family. His oblivionsness to the world around him is so much fun to watch as he gets himself into more and more outlandish situations, ending up making a fortune in the process only to lose it all in the end. I can honestly say that this is probably the only movie in film history that contains a song about a thermos.

3. A Christmas Story (1983)
Surpassed only by “Ghostbusters” in quotability is the incomparable “A Christmas Story”, shown every holiday season for a full 24 hours on TBS. Starring Peter “Ralphie” Billingsley, who I was first introduced to in the Messy Marvin commercials for Malt-o-Meal and then idolized later during his days on the TV show “Real People”, we follow the clever little story in his pursuit of an official Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred-shot range model air rifle “with a compass in the stock, and this thing which tells tell.” Poetry. Sheer poetry. Firing away with as many great lines as Ralphie and his adult narration is the late Darren McGavin who played “The Old Man”, recipient of “the major award.” God, it’s truly amazing that I don’t own one of those leg lamps. Maybe I’ll get myself one for Christmas. Oh fuuuuuuuudge.

2. Ghostbusters (1984)
The year 1984 is my favorite of all time — I was thirteen years old, had little to no responsibility, and the world of pop culture was producing some true gems. One of those precious pieces happens to be my second favorite (and most quoted) comedy movie, “Ghostbusters”. While visiting my brother Doug down in Texas, I caught this movie in the theatre for a mere buck during a special promotion. Little did I know that I’d end up watching this movie dozens of times as my life went on. Once again, Bill Murray gave us a character that only he could pull off with such relative ease. Saddled up by co-stars Harold Ramis and Dan Aykroyd, who also wrote the screenplay, this movie provides more quotable quotes than any other movie on my list. Even the IMDb’s page of memorable quotes goes on and on and on. From “slow down, chew your food” to “what a lovely singing voice you must have,” I quote this movie on an almost daily basis at some point. Comically, this movie also holds the distinction of being the only comedy movie to scare the living hell out of my son Alex when he first saw it at an early age. And, sure enough, I still kid him about that to this day.

And my favorite comedy movie of all time is…

1. 1941 (1979)
Big band music. World War II. Spielberg in the director’s chair. And that’s just for starters. Now throw in John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Tim Matheson, Robert Stack, Toshiro Mifune, Christopher Lee, Warren Oates, Eddie Deezen, and even Ned Beatty. Still not sold? Toss Slim Pickens on top and you have THE best comedic dessert ever served up for the viewing public. Now I know that there are many, many people out there that say this movie sucks…but this movie has cracked me up for the majority of my life. This movie was THE movie that my Dad and I would sit down and watch *any* time it came on the tube without fail. We laughed and laughed and laughed each and every time. From Slim’s “you ain’t gettin’ shit out of me” while sitting on the toilet to Mifunes “this has not been honorable” as his crew awaits a compass to be passed through Picken’s bowels, “1941″ continues to this day to be my favorite comedy movie ever. It has everything — a killer soundtrack by John Williams, women in 1940s attire (my favorite), hidden cameos, racial humor, inside jokes, and the most oddly assembled cast of characters ever. I recently started trying to sell the viewing of the movie to my buddy Seth who had borrowed my DVD and ended up quoting most of the movie. Yep, it’s still able to light me up after all these years. “A Nazi! I knew it, you’re all in cahoots!” Damn right, Slim…and those cahoots produced my favorite laughter ever.