Wahhhhhh!

I’m a cry baby. I’ll admit it. Thanks to a stready stream of “do the right thing” television shows and “love your underpriviledged brother” specials shown to me as a child by my parents, I grew up in a world where it wasn’t a big deal to cry. If there was a two hour made-for-TV movie about a kid with no friends and a chronic disability, we were watching it and we were crying our eyes out. This just seemed to be a classic Wilsonian trait embedded in our damn DNA.

In the end, I realized that the stories that touched me the most involved one of four major themes:

Me Against the World
Be it a bashful yokel from a small town or a person beaten down and left for dead, give me any story in which someone is told that they can’t accomplish something and then they defy the odds to pull off their dream? You can count on me having to turn away and wipe the tears out of my eyes. The best stories in this vein involve the lone hero that has help from NO ONE and has to rely solely on him- or herself. Think “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington”, “High Noon”, or even “Rocky”. Those types of stories light a fire within me that just rages intensely…and more often than not, after the hero has bested his or her challenge, I weep.

Recognition
Think about the people that have truly influenced you — the teachers, the family members, the mentors that made you who you are today. Now imagine if you called them up on the phone and told them exactly how much their existence in your life meant to you. Would you make their day? Without a doubt. You might even make their entire year. It’s those moments that kick the sentimental side of me up to the highest notch and bring the tears. Having someone’s individual contributions praised, if even slightly, has always touched my heart. This is one of the reasons why I find it so difficult to accept public recognition (be it someone thanking me or a group coming together for my birthday) because I inevitably have to sneak off before the tears flow.

The Disabled
While closely related to “Me Against the World”, these types of stories gets me every single time. While I was growing up and I’d see someone crippled, deformed, or disabled in any way Mom would tell me not to stare and would then whisper “there but for the grace of God goes I.” In other words, that could have been me. Deep in my heart, I champion these guys and gals. Their daily struggles are far beyond anything I’ve had to deal with…and hearing their stories of triumph bring the tears without fail.

Torn Apart
This situation, more than anything, shakes me to the very core. I don’t care if it’s two best friends, star-crossed lovers, or even a boy and his dog — if you tell me a story where people are forced apart for no good reason, my heart aches like nobody’s business. No matter the cause, if I see someone who is torn away from someone with whom they should truly be with in my mind’s eye, I’ll collapse and cry so hard that my stomach hurts. It’s the hopeless romantic in me, courtesty of my parents. This is why I’ve always been a sucker for a good romantic comedy or the quintessential chick flicks. I can’t stand to see two people seemingly made for one another kept apart for any reason. I absolutely hate it.

Now while I do encounter stories in the real world that make me misty eyed almost every day, the ones that sneak up on me are usually in movies or on a random TV show. These stick with me the most as I’m a storyteller…and I love it when someone has written something or retold a tale in a way that brings me to my knees.

So, with all that said, I’ll let you in on a not-so-secret side of me and present to you my personal top ten most tear-inducing lines from television/movie history that continue to get me each and every time I hear them. They are in no particular order, but if you want to see me cry just put me in a room where I can see or even just hear the following lines and I’ll be reaching for the Kleenex.

The Line:
“Mr. Holland, of all the teachers here at John F. Kennedy High School…you’re my favorite.“
    —Olympia Dukakis to Richard Dreyfuss, “Mr. Holland’s Opus”

Reason:
Recognition, pure and simple. I grew closer to Richard Dreyfuss as an actor upon seeing him in “Always”, one of my favorite tear-jerkers of all time. Olympia, upon her character’s retirement as the school principal, delivers this line after presenting Dreyfuss’ Mr. Holland with a compass since he’d found his way as a teacher after fighting it tooth and nail. There are others lines from this movie that kill me as well, including the speech delivered by his former student turned state governor and then the scene in which Dreyfuss sings John Lennon’s “Beautiful Boy” to his son. Whew.

The Line:
“I love Brian Piccolo…“
    —Billy Dee Williams to a crowd, “Brian’s Song”

Reason:
Torn apart, two best friends separated by death. I’ve written an entire article on why this line destroys me. Never in my life have I been able to hear that line and not get teary-eyed. That’s one of those guarantees in life, along with death and taxes for me.

The Line:
“And everybody said I had to stop saying that…that I had to let you go. I love you. You’re the love of my life.“
    —Helen Hunt to Tom Hanks, “Castaway”

Reason:
Torn apart, circumstances beyond their control. Nine times out of ten, if I see Helen Hunt on the screen I’m out of there. You couldn’t have paid me to sit down and watch an episode of “Mad About You”…but have Tom Hanks return from having been stranded on a deserted island for years and the only thing that kept him going was Ms. Hunt AND SHE’S REMARRIED?!? Yeah, I’m gonna be struggling to keep my eyes dry. Then, after their rather calm “goodbye,” Hunt races through the rain to deliver the lines above? Sorry, this softie is gonna be in tears. And I was. Repeatedly.

The Line:
“You old fool.“
    —Ellen Corby to Will Geer, after her character’s recovery from a stroke, “The Waltons”

Reason:
The disabled, a bitter sweet recovering. Corby, who played the sharp-tongued Grandma on the show, had suffered a stroke in real life so the writers incorporated it into the storyline. The character of Grandma softened and, as she recovered, the entire family treated her like an invalid. Will Geer, who played the role of Grandma’s husband Zeb, “made a promise to God that (he) would would let (her) sit in the sun and not lift a finger if she’s only come home” from the hospital. In a very sweet speech, Geer tells the family about this but then says that he’s going to break that promise. Tired of missing his wife’s “normal” personality and left with her being sweet and docile, Geer picks up a broom and puts it in Corby’s hand. “Old woman, if you want any breakfast you better start sweeping this porch and earn your keep. And that’s the way it’s going to be from now on out!” Returning to form, Grandma hits Zeb with the broom and utters the line above — the first words she’d spoken since her stroke, and the cut-down she always called her beloved husband.

The Line:
“I know he’s watching…this is for Daddy.“
    —Michael Jordan, to Ahmad Rashad, upon winning his 4th championship on Father’s Day, 1996

Reason:
Torn apart, a son having lost his father; in a way, Me Against the World; and lastly, Recognition. This line holds the distinction of being the only line on this list that was not a part of a movie or a television show, but the only line I’ve ever heard in a moment of elation that INSTANTLY brought me to the floor. Michael Jordan, my favorite athlete of all-time, had just completed his epic return to basketball after the murder of his father. Leading the Bulls to a 72-10 record, the most impressive record in NBA history, Jordan capped off his comeback by winning the NBA Finals…on Father’s Day. Being a Jordan fan, I was about as amped up as a basketball fan could be having seen MJ not only return to the NBA but to accomplish what he did that season was incredible. Sportscaster Ahmad Rashad approached an elated Jordan and asked him what this championship meant to him. So here’s Michael Jordan — *the* definition of the man’s man — standing in a raucous crowd with thousands of fans shouting and chanting “MVP,” beaming about winning the title and then we see it hit him. He’s won his first championship…and his father isn’t there to celebrate it with him…on Father’s Day. Choking back tears, Jordan begins to answer him and then drops the line above. Suddenly, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house and this guy was no exception.

The Line:
“Get up, you son of a bitch…’cuz Mickey loves ya.“
    —Burgess Meredith to Sylvester Stallone, “Rocky V”

Reason:
Torn apart, death; Me against the world. Is this line cheesy? You betcha. Is the scene hokey? Absolutely. Is the movie itself terrible? Without a doubt. Does this line kill me, though? Hell yes. My Mom and I are huge fans of the “Rocky” movie series. The relationship between Rocky and his trainer Mickey, played by lovable Burgess Meredith, was special. His passing in “Rocky III” got to me in the “torn apart” vein so it hit me hard when Mickey’s character was “seen” from beyond the grave by a beaten down Rocky. In a series of almost creepy flashbacks, Rocky “hears” his old trainer coaxing him back on his feet…just like in the old days. Rocky, hearing the line spoken above, rises to his feet to face his challenger one last time. Love it.

The Line:
“Simon? You’re the best friend I ever had.“
    —Joseph Mazzello to Ian Michael Smith, “Simon Birch”

Reason:
Torn apart, best friends. I honestly had no idea I would react as quickly and as intensely as I did when I heard this line for the first time. It was on a Tuesday night back when I was married to Jeni which, during those days, was movie night. She had chosen “Simon Birch” for her choice and we were sitting up in bed watching it. Birch, a dwarf of a child, has been involved in a near drowning and is lying in bed while his best friend Joe keeps a vigil at his side. Speaking to Simon as he lies motionless, Joe begins telling Simon about all the fun times they’ve enjoyed together before coming to grips with the fact that his little friend may die. He begins the line above very slowly, saying the name of his best friend, and then rapidly cries through the remaining portion of it. I found myself suddenly thinking about how I’d feel if I lost my best friend Scoot and began to sob EXTREMELY hard. I sobbed so hard, in fact, that I shook the bed and surprised Jeni who didn’t even realize I had begun to cry. Like I said, I had no idea that this movie was going to do that to me and to this day I still sob any time I hear it.

The Line:
“A toast to my big brother George. The richest man in town.“
    —Todd Karns to the group, final scene, “It’s a Wonderful Life”

Reason:
Recognition, by family and friends. Who hasn’t seen the Christmas classic “It’s a Wonderful Life”? And while the ending of the movie is always seen as a triumph of the human spirit, to me it’s even more touching as it strikes the recognition chord over the head with everything it can muster. Jimmy Stewart’s character in the film, George Bailey, has always reminded me of my father (which I spoke about in his eulogy and even referenced a line from this film). I’ve never met anyone that did as much for others as my Dad, much like Jimmy Stewart’s character in this Frank Capra classic. So whenever the entire town bands together to give something back to the man that has done so much for them, I collapse. It’s such a touching scene for me as I can easily see my Dad’s eyes welling up whenever someone would thank him for his selflessness. He, too, was the richest man in town due to the countless people he helped throughout his life.

The Line:
“He was a thread… an invisible thread in our neighborhood…“
    —Writer’s voiceover, about Bill Porter, “Door to Door”

Reason:
Recognition; the Disabled; Me against the world. My Mom nailed this one. When TNT began promoting a made-for-TV movie about a door to door salesman inflicted with cerebral palsy, Mom *knew* that I was going to cry. She taped it and waited for me to bring the kids up for a weekend visit before showing it to me. I heard her telling the kids to let me watch it by myself in the back room. Mom entertained them as she’s always done while I stretched out and took in one of the cutest movied I’d seen in a very long time. This true story recalled the life of Bill Porter, played by William H. Macy (who won an Emmy for his performance), a door to door salesman who was told that he wouldn’t ever amount to a thing. Ignoring his handicap, Porter became the top salesman in the northwestern portion of the entire nation through his own perserverance. As technology came into play, the role of door to door salesmen went the way of the dinosaurs and Bill quits. It is during this time that a reporter, whose home had been on Bill’s route as a child, finds Porter and does a story on him. His line above is a beautiful and poetic validation of Bill’s character who was told as a child that he wouldn’t ever accomplish anything. My Mom, with her impeccable timing, peeked in on me shortly after I heard the line that killed me, and spied that I was crying. “I told you that he’d cry, Dan!” My kids, hearing that Daddy was crying in the backroom, came running back to make sure I was okay. Try explaining to 4-year old the concept of tears of happiness when you’re too broken up to even speak. Whew.

The Line:
“You had no right to leave me that way, Edith…without giving me just one more chance…to say ‘I love you’.“
    —Carroll O’Connor, “All in the Family”

Reason:
Torn apart, death. Talk about a doozy. If I had attempted to rank these lines, this one would be the undisputed king. I grew up watching “All in the Family” and still watch it in reruns on TV Land or on DVD quite a bit. While the rest of the world saw Archie Bunker as an idiotic bigot, there were several sweet moments in the series when we were shown a side of Archie that didn’t surface that often. This side dealt with how much he truly loved Edith, whom he picked on and argued with episode after episode. I love Edith, she reminds me so much of my own mother. So when I heard that Edith’s character was being written out of the show, I refused to ever watch the episode that dealt with her death. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep from crying. When I did finally see the scene in which Archie faces the fact that Edith is no longer with him, we get to see that sweet side of him that came out on rare occasion and he drops the lines above. I ended up in the fetal position after I heard it…and still do. Bring on the Kleenex.

So there you have it…the top ten most Kleenex requiring lines I’ve ever heard in the movies or on television.

What’s made you cry?