The best Christmas gift EVER!

With Christmas fastly approaching, my mind has been reliving memories from holidays past. Whenever someone asks me about my favorite Christmas or tells me to name the best gift I ever received, I have no problems whatsoever answering that one — it was the year that I received my Muppet drum set.

I couldn’t have been much older than six or seven that Christmas. I remember being stretched out on our living room couch watching the odd patterns being cast upon the wall and ceiling behind the flickering lights from our Christmas tree. Mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner while Dad was finishing up work and preparing to come join us. There was next to no light outside that evening, the only sounds I could hear were the occasional tapping of a big spoon on the side of a pot Mom was using, and the unmistakable smell of spiced Christmas candles were present. In short, I was in absolute heaven and dozed off for a little nap.

When I awoke, I noticed a gigantic box next to the tree. This mammoth package was so large that it had to be leaned against the wall. I rubbed my eyes, leapt from the couch, and rejoiced when I saw that the name read “To: Kenny, From: Santa.”

What could it be?!? And how on earth did it get here undetected? I asked Mom and she told me, with a wink, that “Santa” had brought it while I was napping. Now I had debunked the myth of Santa Claus when I was five so I knew that Mom and Dad had hooked me up with something pretty sweet and there was no way that I was going to allow that package to remain unopened before Christmas.

As I grew older I became a master at unwrapping packages to discover what they were, wrapping them back up undetected so that Mom and Dad didn’t know I’d peeked. This particular Christmas, however, was back when I wouldn’t even have considered such a dastardly deed.

My family had a deal while I was growing up — we opened up all our Christmas packages on the morning of the 25th but we could each open one gift of our choosing on Christmas Eve after we went to church. Yep, having been raised a Catholic we got our yearly Christmas service out of the way on the night before…and it always seemed to drag on for an eternity. The service that particular Christmas seemed to last longer than any I can recall. My mind was 110% focused on opening that huge box once I made it home. It was no secret that I was dying to get my hands on that package as I practically lived by the damn thing every waking moment of the day leading up to the 24th. I’d color next to it, eat next to it, watch TV next to it, and spend countless hours shaking or lifting it, trying to figure out what fantastic surprise lied beneath the red and green wrapping paper.

When we pulled up at our house after mass, I didn’t even bother waiting for the car to come to a complete halt. As I could hear my Dad shouting at me to never, ever do that again I raced up to the front door with hardly a foot touching the snow covered ground. Once to the door I realized that the damn thing was locked, and pulled on it in a state of mind that if I continued to tug on the handle that somehow the door would magically open. It didn’t. Mom walked up and then unlocked the door. Eleven steps later I was standing before the largest Christmas gift ever placed beneath a tree for me. Five seconds later I had the paper off and was in awe of what would be the greatest Christmas gift I’ve ever received.

My folks helped me put it together and within ten minutes I’d already been banned from playing the damn thing past seven o’clock at night. I…was…stoked. Crashing the cymbals with one stick while pounding away on the snare with the other, I was creating what was easily some of the worst rhythms ever played by a child on a drum set but to me it was incredible. I played — and sang! — Jim Croce’s “Bad Bad Leroy Brown” over and over much to the dismay of my entire family. Few times in my life have I ever been happier than I was that night.

As with any other Christmas gift, the excitement wore off…but with the Muppet drum set, the thrill lasted for well over a year. I never did learn to play the drums worth a damn but I felt like Buddy Rich whenever I sat down to wield the sticks. And who wouldn’t play like a pro on a drum set with Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem on the bass drum?!? I mean, come on.

I remember the day I hit the snare so hard while rocking out that I put a stick through it, breaking the drum head. No amount of duct tape could bring back the “pure” sound I’d grown so used to while playing. Inevitably I cut a deal with my folks to let me play after seven o’clock as long as I carted the drum set out to the shed in the backyard where we kept the lawn mower. It was in there that I busted through the bass drum. I knew then that the Muppet drum set was on its last legs.

After that, my most beloved gift remained dormant in the tool shed. I lost one of the drum sticks. The winter approached and time spent out there just wasn’t as comfortable any longer. Spider webs were spun across the cymbals. Eventually, I played my last beat on the set.

I don’t remember it being thrown away at all. Somehow I must have blocked that from my memory, which is surprising. I can easily recall, though, how much utter joy I received from that damn thing. The picture of it above is from a Polaroid my Mom took on Christmas morning and is the only photo that doesn’t have me beaming behind it. I keep that photo in my master bathroom and look at it every morning with a grin.

That present will always be THE greatest gift I’ve ever received as there is simply nothing on this earth that could top the feeling of outright euphoria I experienced leading up to opening it…and then the outright joy I had once I knew what it was.

Thanks, Mom and Dad…you nailed it.

What was your greatest Christmas gift ever?