He shoots, doesn't score.

Yes, that’s right. You heard me. Kansas City hates hockey.

Recently the onslaught of themed birthday parties was nearing its big finish (Allison’s, Gwen’s, and Melissa’s all fall in a 30 day period) with Melissa’s festivities. The kids get a different deal than the adults do as they get to choose their theme. Al chose a Dr. Seuss theme while Gwen opted for a Phantom of the Opera soiree. My surprise theme was pirates back in January, complete with costumes and decorations galore. With Melissa’s birthday approaching I knew I had to get the kids on board like she had them for my party.

Melissa is the only person I know that is actually a fan of hockey. A fan of the Detroit Red Wings, my girl can rattle off stories from games past as well as various players, etc. I figured that a fun party theme party would be hockey, then…complete with a trip to the local ice skating rink. It was all set.

What I didn’t plan for, however, was the fact that Kansas City hates hockey.

Fact #1: I went to US Toy to find decorations and found the sports-theme section. They had plates, hats and noise makers for baseball, basketball, football, soccer, golf, bowling, NASCAR, jai-lai, cricket, and something called Czechoslovakian radish racing. Hockey? Not a thing.

Fact #2: I went to Dick’s Sporting Goods to pick up two hockey sticks and some hockey t-shirts. Al, Alex and I walked through the store looking for them on our own before inquiring with someone who worked there. Maybe three seconds after I asked where I could locate anything hockey-related in the store the guy laughed in my face and then suggested a store that’s not even affiliated with Dick’s. Going there, I was met with a “we have a couple of t-shirts but they are just generic shirts with hockey quotes on them.” No teams. No equipment.

Fact #3: I tried to locate a hockey DVD at Best Buy. They have a section of DVDs that cover nearly every sport…save for hockey. I figured since each of the major sports league put out a DVD that has the championship team from the previous season ending battle that there would be one for the Red Wings from last season. They had one for the World Series, the Super Bowl, and the NBA Finals. The Stanley Cup, though? Yeah, right.

I think it’s safe to say that Kansas City hates hockey.

I ended up making do with red and white streamers, a cake that I made in the shape of a hockey stick, two street hockey sticks that I managed to find tucked far back in a corner at a throwaway sports store, and Jason Voorhees face masks picked up at a costume shop (see picture above).

Fortunately the party went over well…which is more than I can say about my ankles during ice skating. Damn I’m old.