Twenty-six of the greatest lessons I was ever taught.

This is a chapter from The ABCs of Dan M. Wilson.

As a pre-teen, the wonderful world of women was as far removed from my life as one could get. My days were spent in school with my buddies talking about Star Wars, our favorite TV shows, and goofy things that made us laugh. My evenings were spent listening to music while playing video games on my Atari home computer. The concept of dating was completely foreign to me at that time in my life but that didn’t stop Dad from bursting into my room to give me his philosophy on dating.

To this day I have no idea what spurned his decision to drop these pearls onto me. Years later I asked both of my parents if they remembered but they did not. Either way, the words Dad uttered to me proved to be invaluable.

I remember the sense of urgency in his eyes when he began his speech, as that is what made me stop what I was doing and take notice. Once I realized the subject matter however, I began to wonder more about why he was telling me these things rather than what he was telling me. Nonetheless, my memory is exceptional and I’ve never forgotten his words of wisdom.

“Kenny Mike? Soon you’ll start dating and there are four rules that you need to always remember.

1. Always hold the door for your date.
2. Always pay for everything.
3. Always listen to what they are saying.
4. Always take off your coat and put it around the girl in bad weather, no matter the cost to yourself.”

As a pimple-faced kid I didn’t think much of that life lesson that night but over the years I’ve come to realize that this was some of the best advice I’ve ever been given, period.

These all made sense to me at the time. As I sat there staring blankly at him, Dad expounded on the last point.

“I don’t care if it’s in the middle of a blizzard, you take your coat off and wrap it around or put it over their legs if they are sitting down to provide extra warmth. Why? Because women are more important than men. They can bring new life into this world while we can’t. Got it?”

With that, I nodded and he left my room just as quickly as he had entered it. As a pimple-faced kid I didn’t think much of that life lesson that night but over the years I’ve come to realize that this was some of the best advice I’ve ever been given, period. Dad was handing to me on a silver platter the basis of his chivalrous code and the cornerstone of why Grandma Pat remained by his side for over fifty years.

Grandpa Dan was a true romantic. He absolutely adored Grandma Pat and she adored him back. To this day I’ve never seen another couple maintain their love for one another like those two did while together. Those two dated, for all intents and purposes, throughout their entire lives.

He was one of the most caring and gentle men to ever have walked this earth and you would do well to take to heart his words of dating wisdom.

Many men make the same mistake. They feel that they have to go over the top to show their affection towards the woman they adore by buying them expensive gifts, writing epic poems, or any of a thousand other clichéd extravagances. In the end it truly is “the little things” that count and Dad was the undisputed champion.

Over the years I picked up on these true gems on how to woo women by simply observing how Grandpa Dan treated Grandma Pat. He surprised her with flowers “just because.” He gave her a kiss each morning before he left for work and greeted her with a kiss upon his return. My favorite, and one of the most endearing traits Mom and Dad shared, was that if either of those two would leave the room the one leaving would always reach over and touch the other. It may have been as simple as a gentle touch on the shoulder or a hand squeeze, but it took place without fail. It was apparent to anyone around that these two people truly cared for and deeply loved one another.

Dad was also an excellent gift giver, which is a testament to his third rule given to me – “always listen.” If you remain keen to what your love says, you can’t go wrong. The fun is in adding your own personalization to it to make it endearing. Here’s an example: let’s say that the woman you are seeing really likes puzzles. Now you can just buy her a puzzle but that’s too easy. Do a little research and find a way to make it unique. There are companies out there that can take any picture and turn it into a puzzle for you. Find a funny picture of you two or, if it’s near her birthday, see if you can’t track down a birthday picture of her from when she was a child from someone in her family. When presenting her with the puzzle gift she’ll realize that you’ve not only listened to her but that you cared enough to make the effort to truly make it a unique gift for her. People love it when you pay attention to them and truly listen. Trust me…I learned that from your grandfather.

I’ve seen that you’ve become well accustomed to holding the door for anyone, which proves that you have Rule #1 down pat. People have claimed that chivalry is dead but you can do your part to prove them wrong by continuing to hold doors. You may encounter someone that refuses (I’ve had this occur on a few occasions) so just go with it. You won’t be struck down by lightning if you don’t hold the door. It’s just a nice thing to do.

In regard to Rule #2, times have changed and you may be met with some fierce resistance from your date when insisting on paying for dinner, dessert, the event you are attending, or whatever the situation may present. The rule of thumb that I have adopted in restaurants is to automatically assume that I am paying when the bill arrives. If my date plays the “no, let me get it” card simply explain to them that you will cover it, period. If they insist on splitting the bill tell them that they can leave the tip. This gives you the opportunity to pocket the cash they leave on the table and slip it back into their purse later on. Just be sure to leave a tip from your own pocket on the table for the server!

The final rule has always been my favorite and has proven to be a lost art by our gender, unfortunately. I remember the first time that I tried it out. I was standing in the bus lot before school officially opened on a chilly September morning. A girl I had a crush on had just gotten off the bus and was shivering, having forgotten to wear a jacket that morning. I walked over to her and, without saying a word, placed my jacket around her. To this day I can still see in my head the smile of appreciation she flashed my way when I did this simple gesture. We chatted until school opened up and she thanked me sincerely for keeping her warm.

During the fall and winter seasons, after you have opened the car door for your date to get inside, take off your coat and place it over them like a blanket at the waist. This will give them the option of placing it around their legs or pulling it up to their shoulders. Nine times out of ten they will vocally tell you that you “don’t need to do that” as they are being polite and don’t want you to be cold yourself…but just reassure them that you “will be fine” and drape your coat over them nonetheless. Your date truly does appreciate your putting their comfort above your own.

Other lessons I picked up from watching and/or listening to Grandpa Dan:

• Greet women for a first date with a single rose
• Don’t get stuck in the “dinner and a movie” rut, find unique ways to spend time together
• Don’t dominate the conversation with stories about yourself; invite them to talk about themselves
• Don’t talk about religion or politics
• Offer your hand when they are stepping down off something tall (think of when I offer Gwen my hand when she steps out of my car)
• Let them walk ahead of you when following the host or hostess while being seated in a restaurant
• Take their hand and lead them through a crowded room if you are needing to navigate your way across it
• When walking side by side near traffic, always walk on the side closest to passing cars (this way, if something splashes up you will take the brunt of it rather than her)
• Remember the dates of important events (birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)

Most importantly, just remember to keep the mindset that you have asked this woman out to spend time with you. Because of this you need to remember that it is your responsibility to ensure that she is cared for and having a good time. Keep her smiling, comfortable, and always make her feel safe.

Dating is about having fun and getting to know someone better. Prove to her that the time spent in your company is worth it. In the end, be yourself because if she’s truly interested in you she’ll want to get to know who you really are. Enjoy it.