Twenty-six of the greatest lessons I was ever taught.

This is a chapter from The ABCs of Dan M. Wilson.

I am fully aware that it’s a taboo in our society for men to cry or be overly emotional. Worse yet is when a man lets others see him shed a tear. After doing so he is subsequently pointed at, mocked, and ultimately defined as weak. Fortunately for me I learned early on that this train of thought is complete bunk.

Grandpa Dan was a deeply emotional man and anyone that knew him was well aware of this fact. I honestly believe that this was easily his most defining trait. This life lesson turned out to be one of the best pieces of advice he bestowed unto me:

“Never be afraid to show your emotions, son. It does not make you any less of a man.”

Growing up I had been taught the opposite everywhere I looked. In grade school we would openly ridicule the boy who would fall down and begin to cry on the playground – labeling him a “cry baby” – while teachers would staunchly advise him to “walk it off.” Movies audiences would explode with laughter whenever Stan Laurel of the famous comedy duo Laurel and Hardy would weep due to experiencing failure. A woman was given free reign to be as emotional as she wanted to be but a man, according to general consensus, was supposed to be tough and weather physical and emotional pain by remaining stoic and detached.

Afraid to be lumped in with “the weak” I did my best to suppress my emotions whenever something would have me on the brink of tears. Failure at a task was immediately analyzed rather than dealt with emotionally. I found myself internalizing my every action rather than letting the world at large see how I truly felt.

Grandma Pat and I watched a lot of shows together on TV that dealt with adversity and rising up while I was a child. These emotionally charged dramas would touch my heart in a way that would have tears flowing from my eyes. However, because I was a man, I felt that I had to hide these embarrassments and would slyly wipe them from my face before anyone could see them. This all changed when I saw Grandpa Dan deliver the eulogy at a close friend’s funeral before a packed church.

Never be afraid to show your emotions, son. It does not make you any less of a man.

Simply put, I was shocked. Seeing my father, a City Councilman at the time, crying in front of this large audience was one of the most memorable moments of my childhood. There are times in life when a person will be faced with evidence that will challenge them to rethink and possibly even redefine their stance on a particular issue. This was definitely one of those moments as I had never seen my Dad cry before then. I didn’t even think that it was possible.

Once we arrived home after the funeral – and after I had removed the clip-on tie that had been forced onto me by a stern Grandma Pat – I remember slowly approaching Dad’s room while he was changing out of his suit. I wanted to see if it had really happened. The pain was still obvious on his face but the tears were not there at all. Had I dreamt it?

I sneaked off to talk to Mom. Now I had seen Mom cry on multiple occasions, but only at things on TV. I asked her about Dad’s emotional outburst at Mr. McCarroll’s funeral and her answer revealed what would ultimately become one of the most endearing facets of Grandpa Dan’s persona.

“Oh, he cries all the time.”

Mom went on to reveal to me that Dad not only cried at events like funerals but also cried at the same TV shows we watched, at certain commercials, and even upon reading Hallmark cards. I was stunned on two accounts: firstly, that I couldn’t believe that my father – my true definition of “a man” – was capable of crying and; secondly, that I had never witnessed him doing so until now.

This new information gave me the courage to approach Dad in his room and ask him myself. He was still sitting quietly on the edge of his bed with his suit on when I entered the room. I asked him if he had a minute, which he always had for me, and began my line of questioning. It was during this conversation that he gave me the advice with which I began this chapter.

Since that day I’ve not been afraid to show my emotions. I openly cry when I experience emotional pain or when I see something very moving. I reach for Kleenex in movie theatres, while watching TV, during outings in a restaurant…you name it. The tears flow rather heavily whenever someone gives me a true compliment or whenever I hear of the latest great accomplishments by you or Gwen. Most of all I weep when something touches my heart. I couldn’t even begin to count the number of tears that have fallen while I’ve been writing you this book.

There was one Sunday afternoon when Grandpa, Grandma, you, and I sat down to watch an episode of M*A*S*H. In the episode, Colonel Potter is gifted a horse by the officers in his unit. It was a very touching scene and tears began to stream slowly down my face. I looked over at Grandpa Dan and saw that he, too, was crying. I then glanced at you and Grandma Pat to find you both dry-eyed. Grandma Pat saw that Grandpa and I were both teary eyed and pointed it out to you.

“Those two will cry at anything…”

Yes, yes we will. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that you cannot or should not either.