Twenty-six of the greatest lessons I was ever taught.

When my father passed away in 2004, I was devastated. Aside from having lost the most powerful male role model I’d had throughout my entire life, his death marked the end of a unique repository of sound, worldly advice. On a quiet Sunday morning later that same year I began thinking of all of the major life events that Dad would miss out on…and the occasions where we’d miss him the most. One event that I knew he would have enjoyed was seeing my son Alex graduate from high school. I let my over-active imagination run amuck and imagined the proud grandfather beaming as one of his “star grandchildren” received his diploma. I fast forwarded to the moment when Dad would see Alex after the ceremony and was anxious to see what my brain would have Dad say to his newly decorated grandson, knowing it would be some great piece of advice.

It was then that it hit me like a ton of bricks. Alex would never get to experience the joy of having Dad’s advice on any subject being a mere seven phone digits away.

My daydream abruptly ended and I sat there in my favorite chair for a while. The void of not having Dad in my life was large enough…but now I was beginning to embrace new and unforeseen voids that I hadn’t thought about until that moment. After spending several more minutes in silent contemplation, I arose and sought out a piece of paper and a pen. My goal was simple and I felt compelled to write it all down…I needed to write a book of advice that Dad would have wanted Alex to have.

I worked on it off and on for a while, figuring I had until 2009 to complete it…but Alex’s giftedness sped up my timeline as he graduated ahead of schedule by a full year. I spent countless hours writing more and more into the book as the weeks passed, waiting until I was in “the mood” to pen each chapter. As each life lesson took me back to a time when I was a child or a teenager, I would quickly find myself emotionally affected by remember every detail of being in my father’s presence. With each word I wrote, I missed the man even more…and that didn’t seem possible. On several occasions I would find myself in “the mood” while at work and would have to work quickly and quietly to get my thoughts down before the tears began to flow. I’ll admit, I had to come up with quite a few rapid-fire excuses as to why my eyes were so watery when co-workers would swing by for a surprise visit.

I needed to write a book of advice that Dad would have wanted Alex to have.

In April of 2008, I finished the book. I had written twenty-six chapters — one chapter for each letter of the alphabet — and entitled the piece The ABCs of Dan M. Wilson : Life Lessons from a Father to His Son…. Mission accomplished.

The front cover, which I have attached to this article, contains a rare picture indeed. Dad, for whatever reason, was always scared to hold any of the kids or grandkids when they were babies or toddlers. It took a miracle to get him to abandon this rule of his and when he did, the look on his face was one of sheer terror. While looking through old photographs I chanced upon a picture that made me rub my eyes in disbelief — not only was Dad holding an infant, he was holding Alex…AND HE WAS SMILING. I immediately added it to the front cover imagery on the book and sent it all off to be published at Lulu.com (a great site for publishing your own pieces, highly recommended).

I dedicated the book “To Alex, whose life is truly about to begin…”

One month later, with the published book in my hand, I sat in the same chair where I had originally envisioned the book four years prior. Alex was on my couch and I began telling him the story of how the gift I was about to give him was something that meant the world to me and that I was handing it down to him. With tears in my eyes, I handed over the book.

He looked at the cover, smiled, and said “thank you.”

That was it.

I was devastated.

Later on that day the love of my life put it all into perspective. Melissa, knowing how disappointed that I didn’t get the kind of reaction from Alex that I had hoped, summed it up in a way that made perfect sense:

“Ken, let me ask you this. When your father handed you each one of those life lessons while you were growing up, did you break down into tears each time? Of course not. At some point in the future the impact of that book — and what you went through to write it — will hit him and you’ll get your reaction.”

She always does have a way of making me feel better when I’m down.

Below you’ll find the individual chapters. Now, the book was written with the intention of being solely for Alex, so some of the advice may contain information that only he and I have a frame of reference for…so if something doesn’t make sense, oh well. The book was for my boy, after all.

Enjoy!

Chapters

• Foreward
• A is for “Always Be Careful”
• B is for “Beau Brummel”
• C is for “Cars”
• D is for Dating
• E is for Emotions
• F is for Fairy Tales
• G is for Greetings
• H is for Honor
• I is for Influence
• J is for Justice
• K is for Know People
• L is for Laughter
• M is for Manners
• N is for Name
• O is for Office
• P is for Puns
• Q is for Quiet Time
• R is for Routine
• S is for Stupid
• T is for Tradition
• U is for Underestimating
• V is for Verbalize
• W is for Wants and Needs
• X is for X Marks the Spot
• Y is for Yes, Sir
• Z is for Zzzzz…