Twenty-six of the greatest lessons I was ever taught.

This is a chapter from The ABCs of Dan M. Wilson.

Before writing this chapter I asked several of my friends what came to mind when they heard the word “honor.” For one it meant “a judge; trustworthiness and nobility.” Another said that it was “a medal” while a third said it was “respect and honesty.”

For me, the word always brings up two things in my mind’s eye – a samurai, whose entire existence is based upon a code to properly live by, and Grandpa Dan…whose entire existence was based upon a code to properly live by.

“A man’s character is judged by the way he behaves himself around others.”

Alex, like it or not, people will be judging you throughout your entire life. Your family, friends, teachers, co-workers, bosses, enemies, and even complete strangers will be watching and taking mental notes on what you do. As you make your way in the world it becomes even more imperative that you remain conscious of this fact.

People are funny creatures. Think of how you perceived your closest friends to be before you truly got to know them. Some assessments were probably spot on while others couldn’t have been further from the truth. Now think of all the people who have drifted in and out of your life that you either never took the opportunity or had the opportunity to get to know better. You have clear prejudices on these people who you do not even know. We all do it. It’s how we are. The actions of these unknown people at the time you were either watching them or interacting with them forever dictated how you will remember them in your mind. Fair or not, it’s what it is.

How many times have you been in line at a store and heard some kid screaming, only to see the child’s mother bring the hammer down and discipline the child harshly? Now all the people within view of this incident are going to process the situation differently and cast judgement on the mother. Some will walk away thinking that the child got what he deserved while others will think that woman is a terrible mother. Right or wrong in their assessments, we all make snap judgements like this all the time.

A man’s character is judged by the way he behaves himself around others.

Some people spend a lifetime worrying about what others think of them. The wise person spends a lifetime worrying about how they judge themselves. As long as you conduct yourself in an honorable manner you’ll have nothing to worry about on either stage.

And how does someone conduct themselves with honor at all times? It’s nearly impossible and most certainly a task that you will fail at from time to time. We can’t always be in the best of spirts and maintain a sense of rationality. These things happen and are unavoidable. If you strive to always do the right thing, you can attain a reputation of being a man of honor.

Always remember:

• Manners count
• Treat all people with respect
• Be kind to strangers
• Help others around you
• Become an astute listener
• Seek both sides of any story before passing judgement
• Set precedents and follow them as this builds integrity
• Smile often and make others laugh
• Keep a clean appearance
• Know your audience and act accordingly

That last point is the one that separates the men from the boys as far as I’m concerned. Life takes you from one locale to another. At each new venue you’ll be around different people with varying levels of comfort. You feel and behave differently when you are in the classroom than when you are spending time hanging out with your friends. A joke you would have no problems telling to someone in our family may be one that you would never bring up in the presences of strangers. This is why it is wise to always know your audience and act accordingly.

Lastly, and somewhat selfishly, the way you conduct yourself is a reflection on your Mom and me. Fortunately for us you always have, and I have a feeling you always will, make us proud. Thank you for listening and being the way you are, Alex.