Twenty-six of the greatest lessons I was ever taught.

This is a chapter from The ABCs of Dan M. Wilson.

There are two sides to every story. Sometimes people embellish, purposefully omit key evidence, or just flat out lie. They base decisions upon ignorance or assumptions, even stereotypes. These “added extras” oftentimes make it difficult to get to the truth. Throughout your life you will be called upon time and time again to make a decision to lend your support, one way or another, between opposing sides or viewpoints in a number of situations. Each person has to rely on his or her own personal credo – in what they believe to be just.

Now while it would be unfair to dictate to you what your credo should be – as that is something that no one should ever dictate – I can show you the basic tenets of what I was both taught and what I learned on my own by growing up in the Wilson Family.

“Kenny Mike? Don’t pay attention to what your friends think you should do, do what you know is right.”

My childhood was incredible. I had two loving, caring adults that exposed me to and guided me towards a nearly perfect blueprint of right and wrong. The most random of moments would be gently turned into a pop quiz on what was regarded as “the right thing to do” in that particular situation. And I learned well.

Today, thanks to Grandpa Dan and Grandma Pat, I am sought out to be an arbitrator amongst my peers, co-workers, and friends when issues arise that need an impartial judge. Without a doubt, the participants know that I will weigh both sides and make a fair decision…even if my verdict makes me unpopular. I was taught to stick to my guns once a decision was made, even if it damns me.

In a perfect world, justice would be doled out by a mere verbal decision and both parties would readily agree to it. As you well know we do not live in a perfect world. On occasion you may find yourself in a position where justice cannot be served with mere words alone. Not everyone is as susceptible to agreeing to something by words alone and you have to resort to other measures to make sure the right thing is done. Sadly I am talking about brute force.

Don’t pay attention to what your friends think you should do, do what you know is right.

Now I was taught to pick my battles early on. Fighting was never the answer. But, on rare occasions, you will find yourself in a spot where it may be unavoidable in order to bring about peace and fairness.

Case in point? The lone fight Grandpa engaged in while he served in the Navy. Now I have never been in a physical fight. I have always, without fail, relied on my quick wit and ability to appeal to a person’s rational side (even if they do not have one) in order to smooth things over in an effort to appeal to justice. I encourage you to follow in my footsteps in this regard. Here, however, was a situation in which physical violence was called upon to settle a score.

After I had witnessed two kids on my block engage in an actual fist fight, I asked Dad if he had ever been involved in one. He replied that he had, once. It was during his time in the Navy, while serving aboard the U.S.S. Adria. He began by describing for me his physical shape back then.

“Kenny? It was incredible. The Navy whipped us into the best shape of our lives. We all felt like Popeye. I could put my fist through a brick wall.”

This was during the early 1950s when African Americans were treated as second-class citizens. A great many people in America still viewed them as “beneath them” and only suitable for manual labor jobs. Two such idiots were aboard the ship and tormenting a fellow shipmate, who happened to be black. Grandpa Dan rounded the corner and saw these two lumbering oafs berating the African American sailor, who was busy shining their shoes.

One of the men turned to Grandpa and told him to go get his shoes as “this n*gger is going to shine them for us.” Grandpa asked them why the guy was offering to shine shoes. “Oh, he’s not offering. We’re making him shine ‘em because he’s a no good n*gger.”

So here’s our cast of characters: we have two large, ignorant sailors; an African American sailor being taken advantage of and scared because he is outnumbered; and one Grandpa Dan, who knows right from wrong.

At first, Dad tried to verbally appeal to them that this wasn’t right and that they should cut it out. Naturally his words fell on deaf ears. He told the African American sailor to just refuse to shine the shoes, but was immediately threatened by the two ignorant sailors. Tensions flared and Grandpa Dan realized what he had to do.

“Kenny, I beat the hell out of those two assholes.”

Now at this point, I was shocked on two fronts. Firstly, before this moment I had never heard Grandpa Dan use a curse word at all. Secondly, I couldn’t believe that he got into a fight with two men while sticking up for someone else. He didn’t need to do that…but he did, and all because it wasn’t fair.

I asked him what happened next and he said that those two sailors never again bothered the African American sailor. Justice, albeit forcefully, had been served.

Fortunately I’ve never once hit someone else in anger. I’ve had to collar a few people and shake some sense into them but I’ve never struck another human being. But there have been a great many instances where I have wanted to let talks break down and just resort to physical solutions. The key here is to retain your composure and focus so that justice can be served via communication alone. Violence is absolutely the last resort. Always remember that. Here I am thirty-seven years into my life and I’ve never once had to ball up my fist to bring about justice. Grandpa Dan only had to do it once in his seventy-three years.

Earlier in this chapter I mentioned that I would show you the basic tenets of what I was taught or what I learned on my own that made up the basis of The Wilson Family’s view on justice. These are the core values that I’ve adopted and tried my best to serve throughout the years. You may agree or disagree with one or all of them, it’s entirely your choice. But here they are nonetheless:

• Treat everyone the same regardless of their race, color, status, or creed
• Whenever possible, stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves
• Champion the underdog because you may be the only person they have on their side
• Befriend everyone, especially the person that others have shunned out of ignorance as everyone needs a friend
• Don’t ever let anyone tell you who can and cannot be your friend
• Don’t ever let anyone tell you or someone else who they can and cannot love (gay rights)
• Everyone has the right to speak and be heard even if you strongly disagree with their viewpoint or message
• Respect decisions that have been justly laid out, even if you strongly disagree with them; if they violate justice, work within the system to correct them
• Spend the time to fairly weigh both sides of an issue, and do so without prejudice (justice is blind)

That last point is sometimes the most difficult one to do because we all feel one way or another on issues…and sometimes justice can deal us a funny hand.

During a discussion at work while I was in my late-20s, I was asked if there was a Web site that I would absolutely refuse to do. I couldn’t think of one. A co-worker, stunned that I was unable to name one, pressed me with the following question:

“So, you would code a site for the Ku Klux Klan?”

Now that is a tough one. I absolutely hate everything for which the KKK stands, emphatically. Their message is one of hatred and their key aim is to deprive people of their inalienable and legal rights to life. My initial thoughts would be to flat out refuse. However, after a long pause, I gave my response.

“Yes, I would. Because as wrong as their message is, they do have a right to voice it.”

Needless to say, my co-workers were not happy with my response. Justice is not eternally rosy nor does it always feel like you are doing the right thing.

In the end always remember that if you truly do feel that you are fighting for justice, for what is right, NEVER back down. You may find yourself being the lone voice for justice in a world that is less-than-receptive to hearing you, but you cannot give up the fight. You may lose but in the end if you know that you gave everything you had for a just cause, you should be able to live with that.