Twenty-six of the greatest lessons I was ever taught.

This is a chapter from The ABCs of Dan M. Wilson.

The world’s most renowned authority on manners is etiquette master Emily Post. And while Ms. Post’s books on the proper way to behave in almost any situation are an incredible reference, Grandpa Dan and Grandma Pat taught me all I needed to know while growing up.

“Good manners aren’t taught, they’re learned.”

It took me years to fully comprehend what Dad meant by that line as I was certainly puzzled when he first told it to me in my youth.

I cannot tell you how truly amazing it was to watch Mom and Dad interact with others. There was a graceful aire about them, as if they were the host and hostess and life was their grand ball. I couldn’t tell you how many times I caught people looking at them for pointers on how to act at times. One of the guiltiest parties involved is the name of the author on this book.

Good manners, at their essence, are simply about using common sense and respecting others. This book has several chapters devoted to me further explaining the proper way you should act in particular circumstances – “G” for greetings, “D” for dating, and “Y” for yes, sir come to mind immediately.

Overall though, you’ll do well if you just remember these basic points:

Good manners aren’t taught, they’re learned.

In general…

• Always hold the door for others
• “Please” and “thank you” are mandatory
• Look people in the eye when you are speaking to them
• If you are in a situation where you are seated and a woman or someone elderly enters to find no empty seats, immediately volunteer yours
• Speak clearly and at a volume where people can easily and comfortably hear you
• Use “sir” and “ma’am” with your elders
• Pay attention and truly listen to people when they are speaking with you
• Write thank you cards
• Remember birthdays and anniversaries; send cards or at least call the person(s) on their special day

With women…

• In almost all situations, the rule of thumb is “ladies first”
• Always help a woman get her coat on; if she has long hair, gently cup her hair near her neck with both hands and pull it out from within her coat so that it falls onto her shoulders and back once the coat is fully on
• If it is raining, have her wait inside while you bring the car up to the curb so that her time in the rain is cut to the minimum; get out and open the door for her
• If offering to get anything for mixed company, ask the women first for their choice before asking the men; if necessary, make two trips
• As you learned in chapter “D” for dating, always offer your coat or jacket to a woman when the weather is unfavorable

While dining…

• Be courteous and polite to the wait staff as they are the key to you having a great dining experience
• Allow your guest to order before you do
• Make it your responsibility to flag down the waiter or waitress if someone in your party needs something; do so politely and efficiently

While entertaining at home…

• Make sure to have something for your guests to do
• Provide plenty of food and drinks
• If anyone needs anything, it is your sole responsibility to see that they are attended to
• Take everyone’s coat when they arrive and hang them up properly

I could go on and on and on with a multitude of bullet points about etiquette and good manners, but I’ll harken back to Grandpa Dan’s original statement…and what it truly means: good manners are best learned by example and not learned from a book. You’ve been brought up knowing right from wrong, make the right choice.

Always remember that.