The following is an Onion-esque article I wrote back in May ‘02 after kidding my buddy Seth about his excitement before “Star Wars: Attack of the Clones” came out. I jokingly asked him if he was going to dress up for the occasion…

Above: McGuinness and Lindley outside the Olathe AMC Theatres Studios 30 moments before they realized their error.

OLATHE, KS— In a mad rush to be amongst the first queued up near the doors for the initial showing of the highly-anticipated release of “Star Wars: Attack of the Clones” tonight at 12:01 a.m., area sci-fi enthusiasts Henry McGuinness and Veronica Lindley suddenly realized they had donned inappropriate costumes for the occasion.

“I don’t know what we were thinking,” said McGuinness, 34, smiling nervously as hundreds of other properly-dressed fans eyed his Klingon uniform. “It started this morning when I was jarred awake by Mom telling me that Veronica was on the phone. I was so excited about getting ready to get dressed and stand in line that I just completely lost track of what I was doing.”

Lindley, 29, also caught up in the excitement, found herself dressed in her favorite First Officer’s uniform.

“You can only imagine how embarrassed I am right now. We look as ignorant as the Ferengi that tried to trick Captain Picard into abandoning ship during a test run of the Star Fleet Emergency System. SFES for short.” McGuinness quietly added “Episode 314… ‘Tested, Bested’,” while hanging his head and taking a small shove from behind by a small boy dressed as an Ewok.

“I’ve been out here since Monday,” said fan Jimmy Terrell, waving his home-fashioned light saber made from a broomstick and aluminum foil. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a long, long time! It’s all I’ve been thinking about for, like, six months now. I can’t believe those two came decked out in the wrong duds. What a couple of nerds!”

Faced with losing their spots in line, the duo decided it would jeopardize their chances for “the really good seats” if they opted to go home and change clothing. “I had watched ‘The Phantom Menace’ something like ten times last week and was planning to come dressed up as young Anakin but I tossed in ‘The Wrath of Khan’ before drifting off to sleep last night. It must have still been fresh in my mind. I can’t believe this.”

McGuinness later admitted that this mistake “far exceeded” when he and fellow science fiction enthusiast Barry McDowell met Leonard Nimoy after the 1992 Science Fiction Expo in Los Angeles, California. “There we were, with legendary actor and director Leonard Nimoy, and Barry asks him if he’d show up at his little sister’s birthday party later that week. Security quickly ushered us off and we watched as Mr. Nimoy got into a taxi. I couldn’t believe it… Barry didn’t even give Mr. Nimoy his address or tell him what time to show up. And then he wondered why he didn’t show up. What a nimrod.”

Lindley and McGuinness, while standing 18th and 19th in line respectively, have just over fourteen hours left before seating is opened up to the general populace. “I hope that none of the girls from my ‘Star Wars’ book club ever hear about this,” said Lindley, “or else I’d be zurg-DAWK-shun. That’s Klingon for ‘red-faced’.”