The Last Laugh: What’s the Last Thing That Truly Cracked Me Up?

Eli Porter
First Laughing Fit: July 5th, 2009
Credit for Discovery: My son Alex
Source: YouTube video via SomethingAwful.com
Preceded by: Santana Shreds
Dethroned: N/A

If you have not been introduced to the works of the greatest freestyle battler of our time, allow me to present Eli Porter.

Simply put, Eli is “the best, mayne.” He “deed it.”

The Set Up:
A contestant on what appears to be a high school’s cable access program hosted by our boy Marv-o and filmed in a room adorned with shower curtains and a painted cityscape, Eli finds himself facing an opponent called Envy. After withstanding an unoriginal 45-second run from his competition, an unfazed Eli takes the mic and completely shuts down the place with his verbal venom.

With both contestants finished, Marv-o – who has been caressing the absolute hell out of judge J-Dub throughout the entire affair – asks for the breakdown from the illustrious panel. In the greatest slight of our era, the judges score it 2-1 in favor of Envy. Eli has never been heard from since, leaving a legion of fans wanting and demanding more.

Now, the first time I watched this video I found it only slightly amusing. It wasn’t until I saw the two following remixes that the actual laughter began to flow.

Eli Porter went from an virtual unknown in my limited worldview to an absolute god. I began laughing…and laughing and laughing and laughing. Tears flowed. My side ached. I couldn’t breathe.

What Makes This So Damn Funny:

Oh god, where to start.

First and foremost for me, it’s mainly all in Eli’s lyrics. His “I’m the best, mayne” followed by “I deed it” are absolutely gut-wrenching. Couple his words with all of the shots of his eyes rolling back into his head and you have comedic gold. While I shouldn’t pick fun at someone who is obviously handicapped I can’t help but to snicker at his dance moves before Envy begins his weak performance. The icing on the cake, however, is the 30+ second pause after his opening lines.

I got to laughing so hard at these three videos that I woke myself up at 2 o’clock in the morning in a fit of laughter. I mean, I seriously went from being dead asleep to waking up and, after thinking about Eli’s remixes, could not stop laughing for a good twenty minutes. You know when you get to laughing so hard that you can’t breathe and you end up coughing? Yep, that was me that night.

Congratulations, Eli. You’re my new undisputed king of comedy.